Saturday, August 28, 2010

If You Ever Need Your Sheep Herded, Just Let Me Know

THIS is Copper. Remember her? She's the dog that I DID NOT WANT. EVER. In fact, it wasn't just her that I didn't was every dog that came before Copper, too. I hate dogs. They are loud, hyper, dirty, smelly, bossy, slobbery, and they don't stay out of my personal space. (Kinda sounds like I'm describing MEN, doesn't it?)

Anyway....I hate dogs. I always have.

But, after my family stopped speaking to me for 3 days, we wound-up with an 8-week old Miniature Australian Sheppard known as Copper. How could I say no to a boy whose dad was being deployed? How could I say no when the kids promised to do every single thing that had to do with DOG? How could I deny my children the opportunity to have a new friend who would give them unconditional love??

Bullshit. I was hosed. That was all a crock of shit.

Jaycob pays the least bit of attention to the dog and gets annoyed with her on a daily basis. My yard is littered with doggie landmines and shredded tumbleweeds. And guess who Copper's target is for her unconditional love......Yes, me. She LOVES me. She lies at my feet and begs me to rub her belly. I can't even tell you how many times I've been tripped by her - she's like an upside down speed bump. She follows me around the house until I tell her hello. She sits on her little red rug in the kitchen and gives me that look....the look that says, "If you will just give me a handful of ice, I will never poop in your yard again." But, best of all, she can't lie next to me - she has to lie on top of me. That's right. On top of me. Back legs straddling my stomach. Front legs planted firmly on Boob Left and Boob Right. And her nose touching mine. Gross. Dog snot.

And then there's the "herding". OH. MY. FREAKING. GOD. If it moves, she herds it. Leaves, bugs, tumbleweeds, trash, people, footballs, soccer balls, 4-wheelers, and dirt bikes (just to name a few). And running in circles is simply not enough - she has to bark, too. My neighbor had a good idea today. He said I should get her some sheep. I chuckled. But, now.....I'm actually considering it. There has to be something that will keep her occupied. Maybe small children would do the trick. (They would need to be old enough to run, but not old enough to get away.) Anything would be better than when Jaycob ran over her with his dirt bike. And not with just one tire. He managed to run her over with both tires!



He throws down his dirt bike, drops to his knees, and cries to the heavens about how he has just killed his dog. All of this while Copper has recovered and is now barking frantically at the downed dirt bike. She would like for it to continue moving, thank you very much. Then it's more fun to herd.

When it comes to listening and following directions, Copper is a real A+ student. If you tell her to get in her bed, she does. And then proceeds to creep out until only the longest toenail on her longest hind leg is touching the very outside of the cushion. When you tell her to sit, she gets so excited about WHY (Walk?! Treat?! Car?! Treat?!) you're telling her to sit that she actually cannot sit. It becomes physically impossible. She wags her tail (she doesn't have a tail) so hard that her entire body becomes one, giant, moving S. It's like telling a hummingbird to quit moving. Not. Gonna. Happen.

But.....even with all of this, yes, I'll admit it - I kinda like the little turd.

Ok, FINE! I love her. She is a wonderful dog and has been a great addition to our family. Our already hectic lives needed a little more spice, didn't they? (The word "spice" sounds rather similar to the word "stress", doesn't it? Hmmmmm...Must be coincidence.)

Sooooooooo....Copper is staying. Although I had seriously contemplated shipping her off to South Carolina as soon as Jayson left (You know the story - Moving Family/Needs a Pet/Leaving NOW/Dog Goes With/Dog is Happy with New Family on Other Side of Country/No Time for Goodbye's), I think I'll hang onto her for a little longer. I think she eats spiders and other creepy-crawlies and THAT could come in handy.

Happy Traks!!

1 comment:

  1. Ha! Dog-lover.

    I feel that way too. What happened to the good ol' days when you could leave the house at a moments notice and NOT have to worry about making sure the dog had enough food/water/toys so he won't eat Riley's toys. But our dog has been a great addition too.