Sunday, March 27, 2011

A is for Awkward

awk-ward  (awk-wurd)  adjective
(as defined by Scholastic Children's Dictionary....sorry, that's all I've got)

  1. Difficult or Embarrassing  (Example:  "In an awkward moment, I forgot my teacher's name while introducing him to my parents.")

awk-ward  (awk-wurd)  adjective
(as defined by ME)

  1. That moment when your dad finds out - from a friend's mom - that you got married last night.  (Example:  Friend's Mom, "Congrats, Tom!"  Dad, "Congrats?  For what??"  Friend's Mom, "Uhhhhhhhhhhh....Emily....getting.....married.....????")
  2. That moment when your son taps you on the shoulder...while you're in bed...with your husband positioned horizontally above you.
  3. That moment when you're sitting in class at NMSU and your neighbor, after seeing your last name, leans over and says:  "Ooooooh, Geisler!  Jayson, right?  I went to highschool with him.  We, you know.... hooked up [wink wink] A LOT!  He is so freaking awesome.  I'd love to hook-up with him again [wink wink].  You're, what......?  His sister?"  {Note:  Jayson doesn't have a sister.}
  4. That moment when your 11-year old daughter tells you what the 13-year old neighbor boy said.  (Example:  13-year old Neighbor Boy, "Sydni doesn't even have any boobies.  But......Sydni's mom is friggin' HOT!  She's all tanned-up and has BIG boobies.")
  5. That moment when you ask your client how many kids he has, and he says, "Nine....if you count the miscarriages."
  6. That moment when, in the middle of their closing, your client (a doctor) asks you who your family doctor is.  You say you don't exactly have one.  And, he says, "Oh no!  So you don't get yearly exams??  Do you know how important it is for you to get regular PAP Smears???  Come see me."
  7. That moment when you and your husband actually go for SPONTANEOUS and decide to have a "talk" in the the same moment when your kid comes upstairs for a glass of water.
  8. That moment when the preschool director pulls you aside and asks that you have a talk with your 4-year old son about practicing law enforcement takedown techniques on his preschool teachers.  (Example:  "Jaycob has been putting his teachers on the floor.  He does this thing where he grabs their wrist and their thumb....and twists."
  9. That moment when your husband shows his buddy a picture on his phone, only to realize it was probably the WRONG picture based on the fact that his buddy's eyes are the size of dinner plates.  {Note:  It's a good idea to keep naughty pictures of your wife in a separate folder in your phone.}
  10. That moment when you come back to work....high on pain meds....thinking you are hiding the two new additions on your chest....and your customer says, "Heeeeey......did you have a medical procedure done last week [big grin]?"
  11. That moment when your husband tells his mother that his "roommate" for the last 2 months is actually his WIFE.
  12. That moment when you're leaving for Boot Camp and your dad says, "Emily, I'm not dumb.  I know you've been smoking more than cigarettes.  Are you ready?  Here are some cranberry pills and some juice.  Good luck."
  13. That moment when you find yourself using a Baskin Robbins sample spoon to scoop your husbands poop from a plastic cup into a little, plastic vial for him to take to the doctor to test for poisoning.
  14. That moment when you notice something behind the toilet and discover that it's the little, plastic vial of your husband's poop that YOU scooped with a Baskin Robbins sample spoon for HIM to take to the doctor......which he didn't.
  15. That moment when you've just admitted to your loyal readers that you played with your husband's poop using a Baskin Robbins sample spoon.


1 comment:

  1. Hahahahahah! OHHH MYYY's good having you back! ;)