Sunday, August 1, 2010

"Babe, I've got this."

When your husband says, "Babe, I've got this.", that means that he doesn't.

Let me explain...

This past Saturday was Jayson's Deployment Party at our house. Here's what we had:

- 42 bags of ice (for the "beer pool")
- 100 feet of plastic sheeting AKA giant Slip-N-Slide
- 4 inner tubes
- 2 bottles of dish soap (for the giant Slip-N-Slide, of course)
- 6-person beer bong AKA Bongzilla
- 18 beach towels (for the soapy Slip-N-Sliders)
- 10 bags of chips
- 3 pizzas
- 1 sake bomb kit

After a few hours of Jayson utilizing all of the above, he turns to me and says, "Babe, I've got this."

Uh-oh. Not a good sign.

Here's what he THOUGHT he meant....."Babe, I've been drinking tons of water - not beer. Based on past parties, you know I can be trusted. I am the most mature, responsible person here. I have all of my friends under control and will clean up the small mess that they make. And, at the end of the night, I will say goodbye to everyone before they leave and thank them for coming. Then, we will clean up the kitchen together and head to bed."

Here's what he ACTUALLY meant....."Babe, I've been beer-bonging for hours and the only water I've touched has been the soapy mixture on the Slip-N-Slide. Based on past parties (where I've ridden a bike down 3 sets of stairs in my underwear, invented "fire surfing", stolen street signs using an ax, and toilet-papered the neighbors' house), you know I can't be trusted. I am the least mature, responsible person here because to act any other way would be boring. I have none of my friends under control and will not clean up the large mess that they make. And, at the end of the night, I won't be able to say goodbye to anyone before they leave because I will

a.) have fallen asleep on our bedroom floor.
b.) decided that the grass out front felt good against my face.
c.) gone for a barefoot run around the neighborhood.
d.) passed out on the living room floor.
e.) have been doing at least one of the above depending on what time each person left.

Then, while I snore on the living room floor, you will clean up the backyard, the patio, the bathroom, and the kitchen and then head to bed by yourself."

Let this be a learning experience for everyone.

If your husband/boyfriend/girlfriend/Jayson turns to you during a party and says, "Babe, I've got this.", just remember what that REALLY means.

Happy Traks!

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