Monday, April 25, 2011

C is for Confessions

con-fes-sion  (kun-fe-shunnoun
(as defined by Merriam-Webster Online because I can't find the Scholastic Children's Dictionary that I normally rely on)
  1. A written or oral acknowledgement of guilt

con-fes-sion  (kun-fe-shunnoun
(as defined by ME)
  1. I have OCD.  I have OCD.  I have OCD.
  2. I love Copper - the dog that I REFUSED to let Jayson buy.
  3. After being super excited and insisting that I watch Jayson's vasectomy, I almost passed out when Jayson said he could feel the "tugging".
  4. I don't lie.
  5. I count while I'm unrolling toilet paper.  I don't count the squares...I just count the time it takes me to unroll it.
  6. I have had a colonoscopy.
  7. I set my alarm so that I can hit SNOOZE 5 times.
  8. Since Jayson left for Iraq, and my children morphed into bonafide devils, I sometimes hide in my room with the door locked.  Kind of like a fugitive.
  9. I have to fold washcloths with the tag in.
  10. When I use a washcloth, I have to use the non-tag side for my face and the tag-side for other body parts.
  11. I use Q-tips to clean my nose every single morning.
  12. I ate at Taco Bell yesterday.  (This was the first time since.....I-have-no-idea.)
  13. I LOVED what I ate at Taco Bell yesterday.
  14. I don't know how to change a tire.
  15. I have backed into Jayson's our driveway.
  16. I have backed into (and ran over) Jayson's our driveway.
  17. I have backed into our landscaper's our driveway.
  18. I do A LOT OF STUFF just to piss people off.
  19. I can't sit in between people.  I need to sit at one end or the other.
  20. I can't touch a paper towel with dry hands.
  21. If I take my socks off, but need to put them back on, they have to go back on the same foot they came off of.
  22. I touch my butt a lot.  When I have clothes on, Sicko.
  23. I can only eat square-end french fries.
  24. I have to park in the same parking spot at work every single day.
  25. I would not be able to take a shower backwards.
  26. When I'm cleaning, I wipe each spot twice.
  27. I try to match my underwear to my outfit.
  28. Jayson should not have let me get ducks.  I'm not responsible enough to own ducks.  He should have gotten me rubber ones and sent me to the river to watch the real ones poop every 6 minutes.
  29. I cried at Mile 25 during the Phoenix Marathon.
  30. I have gotten my butt cheeks stuck to the bottom of the bathtub.  Don't worry.  I am now unstuck.  Please don't come to my rescue.
  31. I have a mini-breakdown if someone uses my toilet...and that includes my husband and kids.
  32. One of my favorite running songs is by Marilyn Manson.
  33. I own a Shake Weight.  And I use it.  (Yes, we are talking Infomercial ShakeWeight...)
  34. I lie a lot.
  35. I used to smoke.  I hated it.
  36. I got kicked off my volleyball team in highschool for drinking at a weekend party.
  37. I pee in the shower.  And, for those of you who think this is gross and insist that you would NEVER........well, try it.  It won't kill you.  And it saves water, time, and toilet paper.
  38. Right after we got married, Jayson and I stole a set of pots and pans from our roommate in Fayetteville, NC.
  39. I can't touch foam.
  40. Jayson's deployment has been harder than I ever imagined it would be.  And THAT has resulted in me going slightly off the deep end.  Running is my flotation device.  I will keep treading water and get out of the pool in the Fall.

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