13 Years Ago.....

Thirteen years ago today, I married a complete stranger.

Gotcha, didn't I? 

YOU thought I was gonna say, "Thirteen years ago today, I married my best friend."  Ha!  That would have been a load of crap.  I can't say that - it would make me a liar.  And lying is wrong, unless, of course, it's necessary.

So, yes, thirteen years ago, I married a complete stranger.  Wanna hear the story??  Of course you do. 

PVT Geisler (I think it's fun to call him Private. Plus, I'm pretty sure that I outranked him at this point in our lives.  Actually, I still outrank him.  I'm the Chief of Staff/Colonel/Command Sergeant Major/Boss of the World.) and I met in the barracks at Fort Bragg, N.C. in the summer of 1997. (He says we met on the steps outside, but I say he's wrong.) We had both arrived there over the 4th of July weekend and were eventually assigned to the same unit and the same barracks.

The Barracks...Picture a really old hotel...or a jail...whichever.  My room was at the very end on the right. PVT Geisler's room was two doors before mine, on the right. His room was painted all kinds of girly colors - mine was not. His room had bunkbeds - mine did not. (Apparently, PVT Geisler and his roommate, PVT Finney, preferred to sleep one on top of the other.) My room had a fridge full of water and coffee and fruit and yogurt. His room had a fridge full of beer and beer and beer. My room had a lava lamp - his room had a 40 oz Mickey's beer bottle full of pee. (God forbid they walk down the hall in the middle of the night to use a TOILET.) My room smelled like soap and flowers and incense - his room, ummmmmmm, did not.

But, for some reason, I was drawn to his room. Every day...like a magnet. So amazing and just plain meant-to-be. Like there was this special aura between us.

Bullshit.

It wasn't magic. It was Jayson PVT Geisler. In his baggy jeans and no shirt, he would stand in his doorway and wait for me to pass. He'd say HI to me as I headed out for a run in my boxers and sports bra (What in the hell was I thinking??). On my way back, he'd offer a ginormous beer, that I would kindly take....and leave in my fridge until he ran out and needed one. Needless to say, he was hitting on me, and I was clueless. I had a boyfriend - why would someone be hitting on a girl who already has a boyfriend?? THAT made no sense to me. (I was just barely 18, had never dated, and had Demi Moore-short hair, so give me a break for not knowing he wanted me.)
Every day, this shirt-less guy would try to lure me into his room with a 40 oz bottle of beer. (I hated beer at that point in my life.)  The only actual words I can remember him ever saying were in reference to my boyfriend - "Don't say Boyfriend."  Apparently, guys who hit on girls don't like for the girl to talk about her boyfriend.  Go figure.  The guy, however, is allowed to talk about the boyfriend.  As in, "He's cheating on you." and "What a douche." and "What could you possibly see in that idiot?!" 

Fast forward a few weeks >>>>>>>>>>>>>>

Boyfriend was cheating on me...With his ex-girlfriend. 

He showed up at my room one night, drunk beyond living, told me all about it, and proceeded to pass out on my bed.  I left.  And went down the hall to find Jayson PVT Geisler.

I found him.  We watched a movie and talked about our feelings.

Just kidding - I don't talk about feelings.  We just watched a movie.

Jayson's PVT Geisler's version of this story is just a tad bit different.  If you ask him, he says we did it like rabbits.  He's wrong.  I'm right.  We watched a movie.

This is where it gets super duper romantic.....

About a week later, Jayson PVT Geisler rode a bus home to New Mexico and slept with his ex-girlfriend - repeatedly.  (I hope he suffered severely on his million-hour bus ride.)  Actually, now that I write this, I wonder if he confused this experience with the one mentioned above (where I say we watched a movie).  Duh.  The whole "did-it-like-rabbits" experience was with Ex-Girlfriend.  Now that makes a whole lot more sense.  Moving on.....

Jayson PVT Geisler came back to Fort Bragg two weeks later, and life carried on.  Just the usual dating scene.  Hanging out with friends, playing pool, watching TV, and, a week later, coming up with the great idea of getting married.

No, you didn't skip a part of the story.  And, no, I didn't leave anything out. 

Let's re-cap:

-  Jayson PVT Geisler spends a few weeks trying to lure me with beer.
-  My boyfriend cheats on me, and Jayson PVT Geisler and I watch a movie.
-  One week later, Jayson PVT Geisler heads to New Mexico and spends a few weeks with his ex-girlfriend, doing it like rabbits.
-  A week after he returns to Bragg, we decide that getting married would be "FUN!"

So, what is that.....? 

A Few Weeks (of me w/ Boyfriend)

+

One Week (of me w/ Jayson PVT Geisler)

+

A Few Weeks (of Jayson PVT Geisler w/ Ex-Girlfriend)

+

A Week (of me w/ Jayson PVT Geisler)

=

Six Weeks of dating???? 

Can we even call it that?

I don't think so.

So, here we are, 6 weeks into our blissful life together.  We're sitting around, drinking beer (gross) with friends, and contemplating marriage.  Well, actually, it was our friends' idea.  We were just along for the ride.  How FUN!  The four of us getting married.  It would be like a double date.  Except for the date part.

The next day night....Our Wedding Day Night...

We piled into the car - sober girls in the front, drunk boys in the back - and headed to the police station.  (Yes, the police station.  Where else would one get married at the spur of the moment??)  Stopped at the gas station first, though, to pick up our rings.  (Again, it's night time....You really don't have many options for jewelry, other than purple and red RingPops.)

The police station was interesting.  We had to wait in line.  In front of us, we had some really classy people.  One was paying fines.  The other was bailing his buddy out of jail.  Next came US, in all of our fancy wedding glory.....jeans, tennis shoes, really ugly shirts, and RingPops.  And, while the Clerk watched baseball, we got married.  Simple as that.

Time to celebrate! 

Ever heard of Faces of Death?  Well, we went to the midnight showing of Faces of Death IV for our "reception".  I can vividly remember the clip of the man trapped beneath the car that he had been working on.  I'm pretty sure his legs were completely detached from the rest of his body.  Please don't be jealous because my wedding reception was better than yours.  You can always renew your vows and copy us.

Here's another twist to the story......None of our parents knew about any of this.  I was 18 and had just married a complete stranger.  Jayson PVT Geisler was 20 and had just married an 18 year old girl from Oregon.  No biggie.  I'm sure the parents wouldn't care, so why even bother them with the info??  They're busy people.

My dad learned the news of his daughter's marriage from a friend at the track.  As in, "Hey, Tom.  Congrats on Emily's marriage!"  It's amazing how fast news can travel from one side of the country to the other.

Jayson's PVT Geisler's mom got a call a few months later.  After spending October and November telling Valerie about his "friend" Emily, someone finally grew some balls and spilled the beans.  Let's just say that it took many, many years for Miss Valerie to like Miss Emily.  (I'm pretty sure the moment came in 2002 while we were chasing each other around the yard, calling each other names, and trying to rip the other's hair out.  Somehow, that helped us see eye-to-eye.)

My mom and Jayson's PVT Geisler's dad received calls from us with a whole lot of throat clearing and ummmmms and ahhhhs.  I mean, how in the hell are you supposed to start that conversation??  "Hey, Mom!  How's the weather??  It's hot & humid here.  I'm married.  There's a hurricane off the coast of Florida.  Might hit us tomorrow."

Of course, nobody thought we'd last more than a year.  We were in the Army, didn't know each other, and still liked to play Candyland.  Our idea of a fun night out involved stealing things from peoples' yards, gift-wrapping dead, frozen cats, and getting our drunk ferret to play with our kitten.

Funny thing....We made it past the first year.  And then 12 more.  And it's been one hell of an incredible journey.  The complete stranger that I married 13 years ago today is now my best friend, my hero, my rock, and the one person who truly understands me.

So, yes, unbeknownst to me.....Thirteen years ago today, I married my best friend. 

Who knew that RingPops had such amazing powers?

HAPPY TRAKS!!




See?  No shirt, big beer, girly walls, & bunkbeds.



The boy I married.  (Ask him what the towel was for.)

The girl he married.

The Super Romantic Ceremony

(Give me a call if you need help planning yours.)